Will someone please wake me up?

Last night my mom "called" me (we were using microphones with our computers) and we got to talking about my brother's upcoming wedding. It's finally officially set for January, and I'm going to be a bridesmaid. Mom made a comment about dresses and my heart skipped a beat - I've had good luck with bridesmaid's dresses in the past, but that's never a given. You never know when someone is going to want pink, frilly dresses with huge bows on the back. I wasn't too worried, because from what I've seen my sister-in-law-to-be (wow, she really needs a nickname!) has good taste.

So anyway, back to the phone call. Mom said, "They're mocha brown, or latte brown, something like that..."

I breathed a sigh of relief. Brown is good. For one thing, it's not pink. For another, I like brown. Hooray!

But Mom kept talking: "...and it's strapless."

I sort of sputtered for half a second, and then I shouted, "Has she seen me??!"

Mom wasn't even attempting to hide her laughter. "That's just what your brother said."

That didn't surprise me at all, that sounds exactly like him. I'll bet he laughed just as much as Mom did.

See, I've never worn a strapless dress. I've never had a desire. Because I know there is no way I can pull it off. I remember shopping for formals when I was in high school, looking at the strapless dresses and saying to my friends, "That's beautiful, too bad I don't have anything to hold it up." No one ever argued with me. Most of the time they laughed. It never hurt my feelings, because I knew they were right. I usually laughed with them.

Again, back to the phone call.

I was still sputtering. "You know what's going to happen, don't you? I'm going to be walking down the aisle, step on my hem, and the dress is going to just fall off!"

Mom was incredibly helpful. "Make sure you wear pretty underwear."

Oh, thanks Mom. You're the best.

I decided not to talk to her about it anymore. But my mouth kept going, betraying my brain..

"Maybe I can super glue it on..."

Even I laughed at that one, but my laughter was bordering on hysterical.

This is my nightmare. My own personal nightmare. I trip over painted lines in parking lots. What am I going to do in a strapless dress and (if I remember the rest of the fuzzy conversation correctly) high heels? This cannot be real. Could someone please wake me from this nightmare?


p.s. To my almost-sister, if you're reading this: please don't take this the wrong way. Yes, I am terrified...but who cares? This is your wedding, not mine, and I'll cheerfully wear whatever dress you choose for me. I can survive for one day. I hope. :)